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those were the best days of my life
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Jul. 21st, 2009 @ 07:47 pm hi!
i am at syounis.blogspot.com now. see you there!
theres beauty in the break down
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Dec. 22nd, 2006 @ 07:28 pm 1L is DONE!
holy bajeezers! my first year of law school is done. this semester was Such a whirlwind. there was a small point in the semester that i actually Disliked law school. that was kind of sad but i can understand why. the semester was draining because for the first half i was so sick and then the second half i kind of felt like i was playing catch up- and by catch up, i mean give up. also, it was hard to be super into school during ramadan because so many other things are going on. luckily nadi came home around thanksgiving, gave me a firm slap and told me to shape up. so for the final stretch i buckled down (as much as someone like me can) studied and felt good about my finals. this time around they were so much easier than the summer. i think that is mostly because it wasn't my first time. but law school exams are funny- i think the grading is pretty arbitrary. i am glad i am not overly concerned about grades, it makes law school way more fun. and i am learning so much in any case, and that is what i am here for.

i am in love with my classmates. they are some super amazing people. i really want good things to happen to all of them. i hope we all are still close next semester even though we only have one class together. i also hope i get to spend more time hanging out with some people that i didnt get to see as much this semester.

i would like to make some goals for next semester but i am tired so i am going to crawl into bed with the vogue and the economist and drink some more tea!

(I am going to be in Chicago from tuesday to saturday if anyone is there and wants to meet up.)

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!
theres beauty in the break down
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Aug. 25th, 2006 @ 01:55 pm re-cap
the first semester of law school is over! it wasn't what i expected in many ways. in fact it was much better than any expectation that i had for it. in the begining i wondered if we would all ever really become friends. there were oceans between some of us, and albiet some people have stayed on their islands, we know a lot about each other and we are all much closer. i am still excited to hear everyone's stories, get to know people better, etc. i understand the difficulty of the admissions process now, because they are trying to form a class- they are not just picking people to come to law school. it makes sense now. how we learn from each other, how our interactions shape our understanding of the world on the most trivial planes and on more complex planes as well. how our contributions in class, and in our study groups will shape us.

i learned that law school is not that hard but i dont think i did very much in terms of studying and giving it my all. i would say i gave about 24 percent this semester. next semester i want to give about 80 percent. this is a serious leap but i have good reasons for wanting to work harder. it seems like school would be more fun, classes more beneficial if you really got into it. i just want to remember to always be happy in what i am doing and not get sucked up anything. not ever feel like i am working my ass off for a Grade. who cares? if i let grades define me, i'll let my title define me tomorrow and i dont ever want that from myself or from my life. so i hope i continue to love the law, learn to understand it better and grow as a person, just by virtue of the awesome people i have around me.

i feel like i am on a high and low now. excited at the rush of reflection and the great things this semester has brought and down at the things i could have done better, changed and the fact that this will never come back again. i never recalled myself to be such a sap, i am sure that almost none of my classmates share my sentiments but i feel like something is ending already. now come all the fall starters, the grad students, the UNDERGRADS!!, the other professors and life in ann arbor will return to how it is when the craziness of fall hits. there will be football games, clubs and organizations, learning squash, meeting other muslims, studying harder, and taking the relationships that have started this semester and making them for real friendships.

in the more near future- i am going to my parents in twenty minutes, leaving for boston tomorrow and will be at isna next weekend. i hope i get some rest in those periods!
theres beauty in the break down
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Jun. 24th, 2006 @ 11:03 pm elizabeth bishop
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
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Jun. 21st, 2006 @ 12:06 pm today, buckley is love
Once I was a soldier
And I fought on foreign sands for you
Once I was a hunter
And I brought home fresh meat for you
Once I was a lover
And I searched behind your eyes for you
And soon there'll be another
To tell you I was just a lie
And sometimes I wonder
Just for a while
Will you remember me
And though you have forgotten
All of our rubbish dreams
I find myself searching
Through the ashes of our ruins
For the days when we smiled
And the hours that ran wild
With the magic of our eyes
And the silence of our words
And sometimes I wonder
Just for a while
Will you remember me
theres beauty in the break down
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Jun. 10th, 2006 @ 12:40 pm Heaven is a place on earth
all right then. i have been having a great time lately. i have been able to write good private journal entries, get a lot of reading done, celebrate some awesome milestones in my life and start law school. i have been able to push out some prose that i am actually proud of and feel like i have a nice rhythm going in the story that i am working on.

i am soooo happpy right now. i realize that any problems, stress- real or imagined that i felt i was having was due to almost a complete absence of intellectual stimulation in my life. and thus the high of being in school again is amazing. i love it. reading the cases is amazing. once you get past the legal jargon and can start reading more carefully, it is awesome to analyze the logic of a decision, the political and ethical ramifications of the rulings and just the general excitement that comes from trying to get your head around these concepts you have thought about all your life but didn't have the words for.

i feel like i did when i started women's studies. experiencing that awakening and shifting the gaze with which i saw the world. i hope i never get to that point where i feel like i've arrived.

i haven't met that many people yet. i attribute that to my low self esteem lately, and just my complete social awkwardness. there are some days that you just don't want to deal with overcoming stereotypes about that dumb cloth on your head. that you don't want to be ridiculously funny, or cute or nice so people don't think you are oppressed or don't know english or just different- not one of them.

but i say that with my own prejudices and biases in mind. i say that with the realization that i understand why people may be inclined to have those thoughts or views about me or any other muslim woman or any other minority in general. so i can live with it.

in any case, the class is still great. i have no doubt that we will all be friends by the end of the summer. i really do believe the deans when they say that some of the best friends we will ever have are sitting in our classes right now. that is exciting.
theres beauty in the break down
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May. 11th, 2006 @ 12:03 pm hate me today
I feel so sad right now

For people who don't realize their dreams
and those that didn't encourage them.
For parents who are close minded
and for the broken hearts that ensue.
For george bush, condelezza rice and the lot
and that there will be a day of judgment for them as well.
For dead end lives
and the circumstances that lead to them.
For hearts without compassion
and the minds that justify it.
For the evil in this world
and for the eyes that stopped seeing beauty.




"While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take"
theres beauty in the break down
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Apr. 28th, 2006 @ 11:07 am she never knew there was anything more than poor
Dear man driving in the Saab convertible on west Davison, Why did you put the top of your car up? Did you think those four little black kids were going to jump you? They’re only six years old, playing a game of hopscotch. Do you look at your daughters friends the same way, eyes cast with suspicion and worry?

I wish I could remember what it was like to be poor. Was life very different? Is it any better now? I don’t ever remember ever being unhappy because of money. When we moved to America we didn’t have much money but I don’t think we ever really felt it because my parents worked so hard and they managed the money we did have so well. I never remember being hungry.

Working in the area I do has really opened up my eyes about poverty. Never before have I been consistently approached by people for money or food. Standing at the gas station, it is not uncommon to see that the person who filled up before me could only afford to put in three or four dollars of gas. There are women with clothes falling off that approach me, there are men who are incoherently rambling and picking fights with other customers that approach me, there are men who whisper in my ear if I offer money that approach me, there are women with children in tow and faces that show weeks without decent sleep that approach me.

And when they thank me profusely, I am embarrassed. I want to tell them, please I did nothing to deserve this life of comfort, and you too may have done nothing more than be born into your state. I want to turn away but they won’t let me. They are asking me to see them, to recognize their humanity. They are human. They are like our parents, who we sometimes can’t see as more than mom or dad. They are people who want love, who have physical and emotional needs, who worry what other people think, who wonder if this is all life holds. The truth is that we really aren’t that different, and maybe that is why we fear them.

So sometimes it is easier just to see a pile of rags, to smell something sour, to offer a dollar but not a smile, to offer a leftover sandwich but not a story.
theres beauty in the break down
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Apr. 25th, 2006 @ 02:38 pm here comes the rain again, beating on my head like a memory
i started off the weekend with a mad case of the blues. i was being a grouch all around.

friday- feraz and i went to a cycling class. it was fun and a much harder workout than i expected. the instructor like all the others at the summit, was great. she kept us pumped and pushed us to go as hard as we could without making us feel bad if we weren't crazy fit mokeys. the only problem is that i have not mastered sitting on the bike and ended up with a well sore bum all weekend. i will have to work on that next time around. since i am so short it is kind of hard for me to reach the handle bars i noticed.

after our workout feraz and i went to the musjid for the weekly 'angels circle' talk. this week the talk was about apostasy in islam and was given by sheikh ali. i liked it even if the topic was highly relevant.

i also finished reading the namesake. the book helped give me a perspective on what my parents must have felt like moving to america. it made me cry at a lot of parts. when the mom talks about how the only calls that come at night are bad news from overseas. or when the father dies. or when the boy goes into relationship after relationship that is doomed to fail. i was disappointed that the author ends up pairing him with an indian girl in the end because i dont feel it was true to nikhals character but the ending was still good. now i am reading down and out in paris and london. i only started it yesterday (monday) but i like it a lot. i have never been disappointed by orwell though.

saturday morning i moped around in bed and tried to think of something to do. maria told me about a death to mcat party and that is where i wound up. it was actually quite fun hanging out wtih some younger people (not really that much younger) and kicking back eating cake and watching movies. (pretty woman and fightplan)

sunday i woke up at 11:20 and had to be in rochester hills by 12:30. i threw on some clothes and got ready for the long drive. i hate that troy is so far away. i shouldn't complain, because at least i am not in another state or anything from my friends but i hate driving, and that is a stretch to make at least once a week. i also calculated that right now it costs about eleven dollars for me to drive to troy and back. :( it was def. worth it though. i met up with sarah, maria, shabina and seher and we headed up to birch run. there was not too much complaining about my supposedly crap music collection and the rain was a nice touch to the drive. we got some great shopping done at the mall and i now have a lovellly new trench coat that i am really enjoying. i also got lots of other clothes that don't fit to motivate me to keep losing weight. not that i dont already own about forty shirts that should be motivating me already.

i was supposed to get back from the mall at 5ish so i could go back to canton but we ended up being there longer than we had anticipated. we got back to rochester around seven and i didnt make it home til after eight.

my brother's flight came in at 2:40 and everyone was at the canton house to welcome him home and just hang out. i felt bad because i wasn't there and my whole family was. luckily they are super cool and no one was mad at me for not having been there most of the time. although my mood was considerably better on sunday compared to the onset of the weekend, seeing my family really was the cherry on top.

since qasar lives in japan now it is rare for us all to be together, but here we were, all five of us plus feraz and his parents having a fun evening together. it made me really really happy. i am so blessed to have these two amazing worlds.

yesterday i was back at the gym after being a bum over the weekend. kickboxing was different this week and i think she pushed us harder. the weights i am at right now are getting easy so that is great. maybe by next week i will be ready to push up the resistance. tonight i am either going to yoga or pilates fusion. i have to make up my mind.

finally a recap of the last few days would not be complete without acknowledging all the amazing sports games that were on this weekend!
Red Wings vs. Oilers- WINGSS!! (sunday was not as good to us :()
Liverpool vs. Chelsea - LIVERPOOL!!!
Pistons vs Mil. - DEEEEEEEEEEEEETTRRROOOIIIIIITTTTTT!!

Detroit is the place to be for sports right now!!!!
Pistons- 1 down, 15 to go!!!
theres beauty in the break down
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Apr. 22nd, 2006 @ 10:03 pm lets learn to breathe again
the other day i wrote in reply to a comment that it was my sophomore year that i learned that it was ok to cry. and it was you who taught me. but what can i teach you? but what can i be to you? do friendships see seasons and are they born again in spring? it is spring now. i am waiting with a camera in my back pocket, a shoulder to cry on and a samosa to look forward to.

you say what you want to say
your diamonds are drops of rain
your smile is your credit card
and your currency is your love

and the morning is for you
and the air is free
and the birds sing for you
and your positivity

watch out

so you play where you want to play
on the main streets where the creeps all pray
and you can feel like you're in dynasty
and you can be what you want to be

and the morning is for you
and the air is free
and the birds sing for you
and your positivity

and the car crash for you
and the sunshine is free
and the sirens call you

yes the morning is for you
yes the air is free
and yes the world spins for you
and your positivity

positivity
theres beauty in the break down
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